Learning, knowing.

I am learning to trust my knowing. 

Deeply wounded in seeing and speaking the truth, I find much agony in showing up in life. But I have a knowing, I always have a knowing. About who I am, what I will do, what I actually will be doing here on Earth.

I just need to learn to trust my voice.

On the brink of facing my fear and wounds, I could hardly believe vulnerability is power. How can one be powerful when they are completely dismantled? And after I have looked into my fear, looked into my stories, I stand in a place of complete peace.

Then it struck me, vulnerability is power, truly. When one has faced one's greatest fear and see how the nastiest stories we have been telling ourselves are delusional, what else can we be scared of? What else can't we accept?

This is not the end. This is just the beginning. I don't know what will come, I don't have to know. I have tasted the sweetness of speaking my truth with authenticity, with all my wounds and fear. I am okay with all of these. I am okay with healing to the end of my being, because there is never enough to see. There is never an end to my love. 

I stand in the place of peace, because I hold everything in me, I see them, I see me. And the desire to see myself moved me deeply. This is radical self-love. Just the desire to see myself, to understand myself. Through ruthless attempts I am feeling so loved. I don't avoid using words or displaying an image so I will appear more enlightened. The truth is, I am enlightened to the extent my soul asks for, in every moment. 

No more blaming, but I admire my blaming and anger, because they have hold things back until I am ready to see them. Oh how they love me. How every particle of me sit in peace, because I am no longer anxious about not seeing myself. I am constantly seeing myself and I will never done seeing myself. 

Just the intention alone, is the big bang of love.